The Weight is the Issue

My weight has always been kind of an issue for me. I try not to talk about it too much but it’s really something that I think about a lot. I guess it’s because I’ve almost gotten back to the weight that I was back in College and that was when I was at my biggest.

I guess in some ways it’s good that I have gained the weight back because at least I’m not sickly. When I lost a lot of weight before, my immune system got shot and I suffered from a whole slew of health problems. I was sick all the time and I had what I felt like some kind of unidentified, undiagnosed eating disorder. I just didn’t want to eat and then I got sicker and sicker until I got so weak and sick I had to be hospitalized. I got diagnosed first with lupus then MCTD and things, as they say, are history.

So now I’ve gained back the weight and I’m not quite happy about it. I see old pictures of me when I was unhealthy and yet so thin and I miss those days. People tell me I look better like this and I also do my best to agree and say so but at times I just can’t help thinking I’d look and feel so much better if I lost some weight. It’s probably true. I do need to stop eating so much crap and start exercising again. But well, food is just so good and exercising is just so gross.

I’ve probably blogged about this before and I’ve always said that I would actually get up and start being healthier but the motivation always escapes me after a while and I find myself going back and munching on that piece of chocolate.

Such is my life.

Relevant Questions for Today

  1. Why do Mondays freaking suck?
  2. How did my Monday turn from “dude chill” to “OH NO FFFFFF—-“?
  3. Why does this have to happen?
  4. Why do I keep worrying about things I have no control over?
  5. “Why can’t [they] value you more?”
  6. When is this day ending?
  7. Why must earning a living be so hard?
  8. Why do I have to have a period?
  9. Why can’t I drink a toffee nut latte when I want to?
  10. Why can’t I eat another toffee nut banana McFlurry now?
  11. Why does peanut butter have to be so expensive?
  12. Why is The Avengers so awesome?
  13. Why can’t I RP like I used to?
  14. What is writing motivation?
  15. Why did I only write all this down now?
  16. Why do we have to sleep?
  17. Who said that was a good idea anyway?
  18. Why can’t we have more hours in a day?
  19. Who doesn’t want to go to work tomorrow again?
  20. Do you think I should actually try and answer these questions tomorrow?

I’m Anti-Social, Awkward and Employed. Oh and I was in Makati today.

There’s this unknown number that had been sending me messages the past few weeks. I kept ignoring it, thinking it was just one of those people looking for a text mate and I had no time nor patience to give for a text mate, really. This person seemed very persistent, though, so I started thinking this may be someone I actually knew. So I finally texted back and asked them who they were. It turned out it was this guy whom my Aunt in Masbate gave my number to. She had mentioned to me before that it’d be nice for me to have guy friends. I told my Mom about this guy and she said she’s pretty sure the guy’s okay since my Aunt must know him and had enough confidence in him to give him my number. “It’s just friends. He’s not going to be marrying you!” Even my brother said to just give it a try. “Just befriend him.”

And what’s my stance on this? OH HELL NO. Now, I understand my aunts have this concern for me because I never seemed to be interested in romantic relationships. They wish for me eventually to have a boyfriend and then get married, you know, the whole shebang. I know they’re just concerned and they probably feel like they’re doing me some good, but to give my number away to some guy I don’t know without my consent? And make me befriend him? To put in effort in getting to know him when I’m not interested and didn’t ask for him to text me? I’m sorry, but no. I understand, it’s just to make friends, but what if I don’t want to make friends? Have they ever thought of that? I’m sorry for sounding like a bitch, but they have put me in a very difficult situation and I’m sure they don’t understand. I’m not a very social person and it’s hard for me to find interest in most people, especially if I haven’t met them face to face and I have no idea what their interests are. Sure, I can ask them, but as of now, I don’t think I can put in that effort when I’m kind of feeling offended that they’d just give my number to some guy without my knowledge and to then force me into a situation that I don’t care for, much less appreciate. Please don’t give me surprises like this. I don’t appreciate them and I pity the guy for having to spend time and money in texting me when I’m really not interested in getting to know him.

And how do I tell him politely that I don’t want him to text me anymore? Another social conundrum for anti-social little me. UGH. Another thing I don’t want to deal with.

~*~

My Korean boss has been here in the Philippines for two years or so and he hasn’t really been anywhere. Sure, he’s been to Baguio and some other places, but that’s it. Before, when Clark, our one and only male teacher, was around, he’d take our boss out on weekends to places like Luneta, the malls, et cetera, just so he can stretch his legs and just look around. Now though, Clark’s not with the company anymore and so Mr. Jang, my boss, is again just stuck doing nothing most weekends. He wants to go to other places, see other things in the Philippines, but he can’t do that without a guide since getting around here in Manila still escapes him and he fears being mugged again, which has already happened once. If only I were a guy, I’d take him out on weekends too and show him around. I’d take him wherever he wants to go, show him what he wants to see.

But I can’t because I’m a girl, he’s my boss and doing that by myself will be awkward, haha.

~*~

I was forced to go to Makati’s PhilHealth branch earlier this week because apparently that’s where Pasay-based companies are supposed to conduct their business with PhilHealth. It was a long commute, requiring an LRT ride from Edsa to Buendia and then switching to a Guadalupe-Cartimar jeepney. Well, not exactly a long commute when you think about it, I think it only took me 30 minutes or so, but I went around 1pm and the sun was high in the sky. It was so hot and it just wasn’t the best time to be going around, but I had no choice, really. As I was sitting in the cramped jeepney, sweating like a pig and being miserable, I realized how these trips to different government offices have made me pretty adept at commuting through public transportation and finding my way in unfamiliar areas in the Metro. I thought that was pretty cool. ¬†Another skill to add to the skill set.

And since I’m already talking about work, let me tell you more about it. My three months’ probation contract is almost over and so far I think I’ve gotten the hang of working for my company. My bosses are pretty okay, though I have to say it’s both a joy and a curse to be working for them at times, haha. My co-workers are nice and friendly. The HR and Accounting side of my job are very challenging along with the dabbling in Legal stuff, but I’ve been coping so far. I hope my boss agrees to renewing my contract, haha. I hope I’ve been a good enough addition to the staff to keep for another six months or so.

Last night, we were sitting around the dining table talking and the subject of my job came up. Mom told Noel and his girlfriend, Yla, about how she encouraged me to take this job in the first place despite the low pay and I agreed. “It was better than sitting here at home feeling sorry for myself.” I said, then joked, “Now I can sit here and feel sorry for myself while getting paid!” Yeah, I do feel sorry for myself sometimes, my job has its tedious and difficult facets, but at least I’m being paid, hahaha.

~*~

I was in Makati today! I missed Makati so much like you wouldn’t believe! Believe me, if you work around the Pasay Rotonda area, you will appreciate Makati so very much. I would like to thank my Mom for being kind and sponsoring my hair spa and haircut at Hair Click, a Korean hair and beauty salon along Polaris St. in Bel Air, Makati. Beside it was this Korean grocery where we got kimchi and other Korean treats like chapssalddeok, which is the Korean version of mochi. Then we had lunch at Cafe Mediterranean in Greenbelt and then had frozen yogurt at Qoola. Mama wanted me take a picture with my new hair so we got that done in Greenbelt 3 and while we waited we browsed around Muji and Powerbooks. Unfortunately, I didn’t feel like spending too much so I just looked around Muji though I wanted to get one of their notebooks. I ended up spending my money on cheaper, but still cute notebooks at Powerbooks. I also got a cheap pencil case to put my pens in and white out, because I love office supplies forever.

Now I’m back home and I’m quite tired but happy. It’s raining now and this entry is done.

Hello, Saturday. ‚̧

Another thing to hate this summer for

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The slideshow up there shows scenes from what could possibly be a post-apocalyptic-themed movie, but no, this is real life. This is the backdrop of Summer 2012 for me when the government decided to dig up and destroy the road in front of our house. You’ll find similar scenes all across Manila. This probably happens every summer as politicians take advantage of less traffic due to the schools being out to make their “improvements” on the roads and whatever else, but we’ve never really had our whole road dug up like this.

It’s annoying! I walk back and forth over this rough, holed up road and it’s made worse by the awful heat. It also feels like I went back a few centuries. I couldn’t help thinking, as I stepped and climbed over uneven debris, cement and gravel, little bits of it getting into my walking shoes, “My goodness, this must be what my grandparents felt like when their roads still sucked.” It’s not fun, not fun at all. And they say it’d be months before the road is back to normal. MONTHS. You can just imagine how much worse this would get once it starts to rain. They better finish all that before typhoon season starts or it’s just going to suck even worse and a lot of people will be pissed.