Aside

So Fun, So Tiring, So Awesome: Toycon 2013

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The thing that I love the most about Toycon is how comfortable I am going to each one unlike with most other cons that I attend. There’s never this feeling of awkwardness that I feel too old for the crowd or that I hardly belonged. When I attend Toycon, I always feel good and I always feel welcomed. Maybe because of the more varied con goers (it’s not mostly just kids in high school/college who make me feel, well, so old and awkward) and maybe because the whole point of going is to look at cool stuff and maybe buy some, which is something I always have fun doing, and everyone is united in that.

So yes, despite the Divisoria-during-holidays crowd crush, I had a lot of fun during this year’s Toycon. I only went on Day 2 and I would have gone back today too if I still wasn’t feeling so tired from all the activity yesterday. Here are some highlights from the day:

  • Got to see old friends and meet new people. It was a reunion of sorts with the Phantasma crew after having not seen them for quite a while! There was hugs and pasalubongs and enabling people to buy stuff! For what is the point of going to Toycon when you wouldn’t indulge yourself and buy some of the cool stuff on sale? Also met some friends of friends who seemed like such nice and interesting people.
  • Met the brilliant artist behind the Avenge America t-shirt. Apparently he’s a Pinoy and he was at the con! Of course, me being awkward, I hardly was able to say anything beyond that I loved his shirt design and that it was awesome. It was the first time he had seen the shirt being worn in a local con so he was very happy and he took my picture. After everything, I kind of regretted not asking for his real name and for not introducing myself more but well, my social skills are still a work in progress. Ahahaha… I also wished I took the time to fix my hair before the picture was taken.
  • Going around the toy exhibit. The Avengers figures up there were part of the exhibit. There were other cool toys on display, like this figure of Himura Kenshin with hair made of human hair and clothes made of actual cloth. I think my favorite display was this diorama-like scene here:

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  • T-SHIRTS!!! One reason I went to Toycon (aside from meeting up with the Phantasma peeps) was to find myself some cool fandom tshirts. I found some, but they were either too expensive, not what I really wanted or were out of stock (I am still kind of sad I didn’t get to buy this t-shirt because Geekerie wasn’t prepared for the popularity of that particular design). In the end, I went home a Lannister and not a Stark as I had hoped.

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  • TOYS!!! We were at Toycon so of course there were toys! Lots of toys! And other merch but of course there were so many toys to choose from and my friends were happy enough to lighten their wallets on some figurines and such. I wasn’t an action figure person though so I didn’t really get anything like they did. What I was, however, was a plushie person. The last time I was at Toycon, I went home with a small Badtzmaru plushie. This time, it was the same. I went home with another cute plushie to love and own. I thought my hunt for my darling Cinnamoroll was over but it wasn’t meant to be. I was close though and I went home with Mocha instead:

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I guess my Toycon haul wasn’t as impressive as others’. There were  so many other stuff I wanted to get, like the Game of Thrones Direwolf Bookends,  this unmasked Tony Stark Iron Man action figure, these uber cute chibi mugs, and a couple of Harry Potter replica wands, but alas, I have other things I must save for. Still though, I had a lot of fun so I hope to be back next year. Maybe then I’d have more money to burn on cool shirts and cute plushes and awesome merch.

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Dear You,

I wish there was a way for me to make you feel better, to make you change your mind. Things could be different as I just told you and I wish you’d listen because things aren’t as hopeless or as bleak as they seem. I know you’re going through a lot and I know you think I’m only here for one thing only, but it doesn’t have to be that way. It’ll take time, it’ll take trust and the will to change. I don’t know if you have all three, plus patience and effort, but I wish you would. I think you’ll be happier if you just give it a try.

I know you’ve been hurt before to the point that you barely want to try again. I know you think things will never stay the same and friendships will always change. You told me before that it’s something that will always be and while I agree with you, I also don’t in some ways. Friendships change because we let them. Friendships last because we work on them–we keep in touch, we try to understand and we learn to trust. Maybe it all started on something random and superficial but it can be more. You just have to give it a chance.

I know I’m probably the last person you want to hear this from. Aren’t I one of those people who have hurt you? And haven’t you hurt me? Driven me crazy? Made me think if it was even worth it anymore? Why do I even bother? Sometimes I do doubt if you care about me at all, if I even matter to you as much as you matter to me. At times it feels like you’re so bad for me it physically hurts. But you’re there and I care and I wish things were better for you. For us who want to keep on being around as your friend.

I don’t think you’ll really change. I don’t think you’ll really listen or try to do anything about all that I’m saying, what I have said before. I just keep repeating myself and nothing seems to be coming out of it. I don’t want to give up on you but again, I have to wonder. Is it even worth it?

If we stop talking, interacting then things have changed though it makes me sad that it would have to. Maybe you’re right, that I’ve only gotten used to you being around and I’ll get used to not talking to you soon enough. But for now I don’t want to.

I wish being your friend were easier, really. But it’s very hard and very sad, especially on really bad days.

I really wish it’s not like this at all.

On Best Friend Breakups and Going Back to Work

The past few weeks had been a whirlwind, both physically and emotionally, for me. I was feeling and doing so many things that I hadn’t had the courage to put fingers to keyboard in order to churn out an entry. I was afraid that I was going to be writing things that I would regret and while this was my blog, I would like to spare my readers unneeded melodrama.  Sometimes, things are so private or so painful that putting the experience down on a blog entry just seems like a new world of pain. Really, be glad that I didn’t decide to write about everything when I was still in the thick of it. Now you can all rest easy and so can I.

Earlier today, my friend Tina linked me to an article entitled How to survive best friend breakup and it was a huge reminder of what I had gone through the past few weeks. Break ups don’t just happen between couples in romantic relationships; they happen between friends too and I’m glad that that article was able to shed some light on a very sad and stressful situation that most everyone goes through. I almost lost a very close friend recently and the article was able to describe our situation rather well. I can’t give you a clear picture of what had happened, but there was a lot of pain and anxiety on both sides and I thought we were done for. It was really getting toxic and I was starting to get physically sick from all the stress and anxiety the situation was giving me. I was ready to step back, to let go, for my and her own good, but well… Things have a way of fixing themselves. True, we’re not yet perfect, there’s that niggling feeling that it’s still all too soon for us to be talking again, the situation had gone ugly and crazy before it got better, but both of us feel that our friendship is worth the risk of a an effort toward reconciliation. There’s no guarantee that we won’t end up getting into a bad situation again, but I think we’d both regret it too much if we didn’t try to give each other a chance.

It sounds like a romantic relationship, doesn’t it? But yes, that’s how friendships can be sometimes. A friendship is also a relationship that you have to work on. It doesn’t always work and there’s a possibility that it won’t last forever, but there are those relationships that are worth fighting for, worth giving a second chance.

So now, we’re okay. I like to think that we’re both healing. Hopefully, we won’t experience any of that pain ever again. It was hard, so very hard…

At the same time, I was also set to start working in an online ESL teaching school for Koreans, but not as a teacher as I originally applied. ‘Funny how things work out the way they do sometimes. I applied for a teaching position after hesitating on doing so for the longest time. I went there, I took the test, I got interviewed, I did two demo classes (after four years of not teaching! And this was a video class!) and then was told to wait for my results. I was contacted by the company a few days later and I found out that I passed the application process. They asked if they can speak to me and we ended up having a talk over Skype. I was offered the Office Admin position (with a chance to teach on the side when needed) and I took it.

Admittedly, it’s not the most glamorous job in the world, especially given where I worked last. I mostly do clerical work that rarely requires neither thought or creativity. The office is located in Pasay Rotonda, this chaotic place in Manila where they made this indie movie last year about how crazy and violent it could get over there. It’s in this old building where the elevator feels like it would give, killing everyone who was unfortunately inside at the time. It’s small and there’s less than 20 people working at a time. The office has this weird smell, like the smell of cooking rice mixed with something else indistinguishable, and it wafts out into the hallway. The salary is half of what I was accustomed to receiving and that was just unfortunate.

However, I’m hardly stressed. The work is easy, but I feel accomplished each time I’m able to finish a task because I really feel like I’m contributing in some way. The people are simple and easy enough to get along with (so far). The dress code is just casual and decent. They offer free rice everyday and someone washes your dishes for you after you eat. I even get free coffee sometimes from our very own Ate Monica. 😀 Our boss isn’t cute (haha), but he’s nice and friendly. The salary is lower than what I’m used to, but I don’t really need to spend much anyway as I’m just an LRT ride away, I can bring food to work and I can wear t-shirts and jeans to work.

I really think I can work there for a while. True, I’m just doing it part-time for now, but once I’m doing it full time, I don’t think it would be that different. At least I hope so. I’m really looking forward to getting my first salary, even though I’m sure it’s still going to be quite small. It’s nice to just finally be earning again after so long.

Wish me luck, guys.

Hopefully things will be better for me from now on.