Honestly?

I’ve just been thinking a lot about honesty today, like, how honest are we really?

Our society seems to thrive on not being wholly ourselves.  At job interviews, we’re always advised to “put your best foot forward”, “keep it short (stupid)” and to just never give your possible new employer everything that you are in one sitting. This applies to a lot of other aspects of our lives when it comes to dealing with people. We’re not to say too much about ourselves lest we make others uncomfortable. We’re also not to ask about certain things lest we make others uncomfortable too. We should be careful about what we post online, what we say or do out in public. There are things such as delicacy and discretion and respect and it seems to keep things peaceful, a nice, stable status quo.

Now, I understand how all this makes sense. Surely we try our best to be nice so as everyone gets along. There should be order and all that. Why would you hire an employee who would be bad for the company? Why would you befriend someone unpleasant? Why try and destroy the delicate balance of peace we’ve all got going on? I get it. Really. I do.

But sometimes, you have to wonder. Are people happy with keeping the peace? Do people ever get tired of just not being honest so that they can live unhindered, stable lives? Don’t they get tired of saying one thing but thinking another? Of thinking about what others think of them all the time? Of just not being themselves?

I do and I wish it were that easy to stop living a lie.

I think, if I became really honest, I won’t have friends. No one will like me. Heck, I don’t even like myself a lot of the time, so why would other people? Stockholm Syndrome, maybe? I don’t know, but I just feel that if people actually knew what I think a lot of the time, what I’m capable of doing if I let myself, they wouldn’t like me at all.

And so I keep it all to myself. I like being liked. I like being secure. I like not being alone even though at times it’s grating to be amidst so many people and so much activity.

Do you have what it takes to be completely honest? I envy you if you do because I’m just not that brave to be.

I Freakin’ Hate Mondays

Who likes Mondays anyway? I think you’d have to be a real workaholic or a glutton for punishment if you actually like Mondays. There’s just something about the first day back from the weekend that just utterly sucks.

It’s the first day of the week when you have to actually get up so early in the morning (for those of us with normal schedules anyway) and leave the confines of your warm bed to go out and be productive. Or at least try to.

You have to take a bath or shower, dress up and get breakfast in the morning (THE HORROR) so you can be ready for your day.

As you commute to work, you’re stuck with like-minded, miserable people with their own cases of weekend hangovers and so the way to work is more unbearable than usual on top of the smog, the heat and the crowds.

At work, there’s that warm, sleepy atmosphere that you just want to sink into. You go in and try to procrastinate as long as you can before getting started on the work load that has piled up during the weekend. You prepare a cup of coffee, arrange your desk, clean your keyboard, check your Facebook, put on mood music, what have you. Then finally you start work. It only took you two hours after you timed in.

And then it’s lunch time.

After lunch time, you take the time to relax because going back to work immediately is bad for your digestion. That’s what someone said in an article you read. Of course these people know what they’re talking about. So relax. Another cup of coffee. More Facebook checking. Let’s take some time to check Tumblr too. Nothing more relaxing than Tumblr…

After an hour of after-lunch relaxation, it’s time to work again. You do so leisurely, slooooowly gaining momentum. You’re finally being productive!

But then it’s almost time to go home. GRRR. Where did all my time go?! And just when I was actually DOING stuff! UGH!

But no choice. Time to go home.

And so ends another sucky, unproductive Monday.

See you tomorrow! Maybe Tuesday will be better.

(But let’s face it, it’s probably the same. Just as unproductive and sucky as Monday. You only gain momentum on Wednesday, put all effort on Thursday and then relax on Friday.)

(Yep.)

Tumblr Gives Me IDEAS

Tumblr has succeeded in swallowing me up. It’s awful, haha. However, I was able to find some cool stuff, like a list of historical documentaries, writing prompts, a post about introversion and this really cool mix of Gangnam Style. I also get to answer memes, though not often. I don’t have that many followers to be interested enough in giving me prompts, I guess. Elise responded to one, though, and I answered it! It’s about the three people that I think are awesome. I thought I’d post it here too:

Soooo late, I’m sorry. D: Anyway! This post is in answer to this meme, which I posted  some days ago. You put in Prussia and that means I have to list 3 People That I Think Are Awesome.

  1. Misha Collins. Honestly, Tom Hiddleston was supposed to be put here in his place just for being probably the sweetest man, a talented actor and for being God of Tumblr, but then I remembered Misha Collins. Misha Collins is most popularly known as Castiel from Supernatural. He’s also known to be off the wall and really, really cool with his fans. He’s very eccentric and funny. He once tweeted in Filipino. He posts funny pictures about himself and sometimes involving the Supernatural cast. He’s just so goofy and a lot of fun. And then you find out he set up a non-profit organization to help out over at Haiti. Awesome person? YES.
  2. Jose Rizal. National Hero of the Philippines and this is still being debated on. I’m not here to defend him and tell you why I think he should really be the Philippines’ National Hero because honestly, I am not 100% convinced that he should be either. But I can’t help admiring this man. He’s an inspiration, the one considered the First Filipino. How I would love to have even just an iota of his brilliance and ambition. Have you seen his credentials and achievements? GAH.
  3. My Mom. Cliche answer, probably, but can you imagine what my Mom has been through, what she’s still going through? We lost Tatay three years ago and even before that she was the breadwinner of the family. On top of that, her job has been in trouble the past two years or so because her company hasn’t been doing too well. And then she’s putting Noel through Nursing school and she shouldered the expenses for my hospitalization and everything since I got sick two years ago, too. But she’s still smiling, she’s still cheerful. If I were in her place, I think I would have broken. Seriously. I don’t know how she does it. She’s just AWESOME.

I hope I get more responses to memes, haha. They’re really fun and I always need prompts to express myself, really.

And speaking of expressing myself, particularly through writing, NaNoWriMo is just around the corner. For those who don’t know, NaNoWriMo stands for National Novel Writing Month and basically what you’re supposed to do if you enter is you have to finish a 50,000-word novel in one month. Sounds pretty hardcore, right? Well, for me, who has barely written a real story in forever, it damn well is! I always hear about it year after year, but it’s only now that I feel the urge to actually give it a try. WHICH IS CRAZY because I have no plot, no ideas, no nothing. And what about time, right?? Ah, but a little, annoying voice in my head is saying all these are just excuses and are thus UNACCEPTABLE. So I don’t know, really. But I have to admit this is really nagging at me and so.

AAAAAAAH. /SPAZZES

(SOMEONE HAS OBVIOUSLY BEEN ON TUMBLR TOO MUCH. SEE THE AFFECTION FOR ALL CAPS.)

Also related to writing. I am also getting this wicked urge to make notes. Like, take a pen and physically start writing on something. I wrote down my meds list for the next two weeks and that gave me an ungodly sort of glee that shouldn’t be possible over something as mundane as writing with a pen and paper. But there was glee. It was kind of embarrassing, haha. This reminds me of when I used to first write my fanfiction drafts longhand in my tiny, cramped, computer print-like handwriting before typing them all up in my old computer. Those were the days and this NaNoWriMo thing is giving me back that excitement. I’ll probably end up writing fanfiction again, which is kind of embarrassing for some reason. BUT WHAT CAN YOU DO. Maybe it’s embarrassing because by now you would think I have gone past the fanfiction “phase” by now. But no. That’s not quite happening. It’s kind of sad, you know? Here I am, wanting to write this novel or whatever, but alas, no original ideas come to mind…

Fandom and Tumblr, this is what you do to me. You give me crazy, exciting ideas and make me type in all caps.

I HOPE YOU’RE BOTH HAPPY.

First the Internet, then the World

Is anyone else freaked out by how Facebook just seems to be everywhere on the Internet now? You click on a site and when you’re asked to log in you see something like this:

Did you click it?

How easy.

How convenient.

How scary.

It’s probably just me letting my mind wander into craziness unknown after a day spent sorting through repetitive legal files that I could hardly understand, but seriously. Facebook is everywhere on the ‘Net and it lets you access all sorts of things that would usually take you a while to do. Now, all you have to do is have a Facebook account, hardly ever sign out from it and just use it to get into sites that you want to access. It’s that simple, even more simple than pouring hot water into instant noodles. Were if only we could cook instant noodles with just one click of a button. Who knows. Maybe in the future, Facebook can just do EVERYTHING for you, practically take over and control your life in a more physical way. What kind of physical way? I don’t know. I have no idea. I’m not that creative right now to think of something beyond my instant noodles example up there. Or some kind of itty-bitty computer chip thing that is then put into your brain and… I don’t know, but there you go.

Facebook. Sooner or later, it can literally control your life.

Hey, it could happen. It’s already starting by hooking people in for hours (DAYS) and allowing people to use it if for easy logging into sites that they use everyday. Who knows what else Facebook would be capable of after a few years or so?