Being Almost Creepy and Admittedly Enthusiastic

I was riding the jeepney on the way home. It passed by my high school and I was boggled by the sight of a huge pile of donations in the front lobby. Now, it was easy enough to spot the pile as the lobby could be easily seen from outside but really, it’s still kind of mind boggling. You’d only really appreciate it when you see it firsthand. I wanted to take a picture but I was on the jeepney and I thought they might find it creepy if I did. Because you know. There were students there and there I would have been, an outsider (an alumna, but still an outsider!), taking pictures. Creepy, right? Maybe I can try again tomorrow, haha. I’ll ask permission and all that.

There’s a grocery between my house and my high school so I took the time to look at the prices of the things that I’m planning to donate. If all goes well, I’ll have stuff ready for delivery by tomorrow night. I still find all this pretty exciting, if you can’t tell. 😀 I’m just really hoping that all this help will be able to get to the devastated areas soon. I also hope the government gets its act together because even if we’ve got a lot to give but there’s no way to get them to the people they’re supposed to be for, then we’ve still got nothing.

Meanwhile, in more personal news, I got a letter today! 😀 Finally! I have been waiting for this letter for a while now and now it’s here!

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I have received three letters in total for last month’s National Letter Writing Day after sending some of my own. Pretty cool. ❤ Ah, to write letters again. How I’ve missed doing it. Will write more letters soon. ❤

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The Smallness

I was asked during my job interview,

“Why do you want this job?”

It was a job interview so of course I made sure to give a good, eloquent answer. I forgot what it was I said exactly but somewhere around admitting that I wanted a less stressful working environment, I also said,

“I want to do something that isn’t just about making money.”

Which I think I really managed to get in this job that I could not be more grateful for. Sure, the work can be often tedious and boring at the same time, and there are times when you get caught up in the monotony of it all that you can get kind of frustrated, but there are moments when you are reminded of how there is more to it than that.

How what little work I do within the confines of my little office actually contributes to a bigger picture, a movement that actually works toward a greater good.

And I shouldn’t forget that and get lost in the little mundane tasks that could distract me with their seeming smallness and insignificance.

I’m in a good place with good people and I am doing good for others, no matter how small, and I should never lose sight of that.

Reuniting with English and Loving It

I’ve actually changed jobs last August. Almost the same tasks and responsibilities but a new company with a different set of values and work ethic. The biggest difference though was the language.

Before, I used to work for a Korean company and while English was used as the language to communicate, it wasn’t a language that they were most comfortable in using. Korean was still predominant in the work place and since I didn’t speak it, I mostly had to contend with spoken and written English that needed some decoding. I often even had to do a lot of editing and I acted as an English teacher for my boss whose English was only at the basic level for the most part.

Imagine the joy and wonder I felt while I was being interviewed for my current job. I now work for an Irish group and I don’t think I’ve gotten used to  how well they not only speak English but also how well they write it. I pick up memos and letters and can’t help the feelings of fondness and affection I get when I read what they have to say and how perfectly eloquent they are. Then they speak to me and I adore how I have to be more aware of what I say and how I am also learning to speak English better.

Just one of the joys of this new job I have.

Aside

So Fun, So Tiring, So Awesome: Toycon 2013

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The thing that I love the most about Toycon is how comfortable I am going to each one unlike with most other cons that I attend. There’s never this feeling of awkwardness that I feel too old for the crowd or that I hardly belonged. When I attend Toycon, I always feel good and I always feel welcomed. Maybe because of the more varied con goers (it’s not mostly just kids in high school/college who make me feel, well, so old and awkward) and maybe because the whole point of going is to look at cool stuff and maybe buy some, which is something I always have fun doing, and everyone is united in that.

So yes, despite the Divisoria-during-holidays crowd crush, I had a lot of fun during this year’s Toycon. I only went on Day 2 and I would have gone back today too if I still wasn’t feeling so tired from all the activity yesterday. Here are some highlights from the day:

  • Got to see old friends and meet new people. It was a reunion of sorts with the Phantasma crew after having not seen them for quite a while! There was hugs and pasalubongs and enabling people to buy stuff! For what is the point of going to Toycon when you wouldn’t indulge yourself and buy some of the cool stuff on sale? Also met some friends of friends who seemed like such nice and interesting people.
  • Met the brilliant artist behind the Avenge America t-shirt. Apparently he’s a Pinoy and he was at the con! Of course, me being awkward, I hardly was able to say anything beyond that I loved his shirt design and that it was awesome. It was the first time he had seen the shirt being worn in a local con so he was very happy and he took my picture. After everything, I kind of regretted not asking for his real name and for not introducing myself more but well, my social skills are still a work in progress. Ahahaha… I also wished I took the time to fix my hair before the picture was taken.
  • Going around the toy exhibit. The Avengers figures up there were part of the exhibit. There were other cool toys on display, like this figure of Himura Kenshin with hair made of human hair and clothes made of actual cloth. I think my favorite display was this diorama-like scene here:

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  • T-SHIRTS!!! One reason I went to Toycon (aside from meeting up with the Phantasma peeps) was to find myself some cool fandom tshirts. I found some, but they were either too expensive, not what I really wanted or were out of stock (I am still kind of sad I didn’t get to buy this t-shirt because Geekerie wasn’t prepared for the popularity of that particular design). In the end, I went home a Lannister and not a Stark as I had hoped.

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  • TOYS!!! We were at Toycon so of course there were toys! Lots of toys! And other merch but of course there were so many toys to choose from and my friends were happy enough to lighten their wallets on some figurines and such. I wasn’t an action figure person though so I didn’t really get anything like they did. What I was, however, was a plushie person. The last time I was at Toycon, I went home with a small Badtzmaru plushie. This time, it was the same. I went home with another cute plushie to love and own. I thought my hunt for my darling Cinnamoroll was over but it wasn’t meant to be. I was close though and I went home with Mocha instead:

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I guess my Toycon haul wasn’t as impressive as others’. There were  so many other stuff I wanted to get, like the Game of Thrones Direwolf Bookends,  this unmasked Tony Stark Iron Man action figure, these uber cute chibi mugs, and a couple of Harry Potter replica wands, but alas, I have other things I must save for. Still though, I had a lot of fun so I hope to be back next year. Maybe then I’d have more money to burn on cool shirts and cute plushes and awesome merch.

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Rainy Sundays Are Not Good For the Psyche

“I had this guy leave me a voice mail at work so I called him at home and then he e-mailed me to my Blackberry and so I texted to his cell and then he e-mailed me to my home account and the whole thing just got out of control. And I miss the days when you had one phone number and one answering machine and that one answering machine has one cassette tape and that one cassette tape either had a message from a guy or it didn’t. And now you just have to go around checking all these different portals just to get rejected by seven different technologies. It’s exhausting.” – Mary, He’s Just Not That Into You (2009)

The idea of this quote just played around in my head today. It’s just that I can relate to it so much nowadays. Not in the sense that there’s this guy that I like and I get rejected by seven different technologies, but I get it. I get it so much. It also applies to friendships, especially those that you only manage to have online.

Right now, there are so many social networking sites and a lot of people are members of at least three of them. Most of the time, you join them so you can keep in touch with your friends, coworkers, et cetera. That’s the main point of these things, really, but the funny thing is, no matter how connected we seem, we’re really not. Sure, you’ve added or friended these people, but it doesn’t necessarily guarantee that a genuine connection will spring from that action. Most days, you’re just another name and picture in their timeline, dashboard, friends’ list, whatever and you’re lucky if someone or a couple of people regularly respond or “Like” the things that you post.

I guess some people don’t make a big deal about it. Yeah, you’re one in more than a hundred in someone’s list of friends in a certain social networking site. It happens. You can’t expect people to notice you or focus on you all the time. Move on, loser. You can start worrying about other things. Better yet, why not go out and actually talk to people, huh? Make new friends or better yet, actually talk to the ones you already have. Stop moping about and thinking about things you can’t help or control.

But I do and it just makes me sad because it does feel like you’re being rejected or ignored when you do put yourself out there and no one responds. And in multiple platforms too. It just sucks. Really, really sucks and I sympathize with Drew Barrymore’s character because of that.

I wish I could have another Toffee Nut Latte. /sighs

Honestly?

I’ve just been thinking a lot about honesty today, like, how honest are we really?

Our society seems to thrive on not being wholly ourselves.  At job interviews, we’re always advised to “put your best foot forward”, “keep it short (stupid)” and to just never give your possible new employer everything that you are in one sitting. This applies to a lot of other aspects of our lives when it comes to dealing with people. We’re not to say too much about ourselves lest we make others uncomfortable. We’re also not to ask about certain things lest we make others uncomfortable too. We should be careful about what we post online, what we say or do out in public. There are things such as delicacy and discretion and respect and it seems to keep things peaceful, a nice, stable status quo.

Now, I understand how all this makes sense. Surely we try our best to be nice so as everyone gets along. There should be order and all that. Why would you hire an employee who would be bad for the company? Why would you befriend someone unpleasant? Why try and destroy the delicate balance of peace we’ve all got going on? I get it. Really. I do.

But sometimes, you have to wonder. Are people happy with keeping the peace? Do people ever get tired of just not being honest so that they can live unhindered, stable lives? Don’t they get tired of saying one thing but thinking another? Of thinking about what others think of them all the time? Of just not being themselves?

I do and I wish it were that easy to stop living a lie.

I think, if I became really honest, I won’t have friends. No one will like me. Heck, I don’t even like myself a lot of the time, so why would other people? Stockholm Syndrome, maybe? I don’t know, but I just feel that if people actually knew what I think a lot of the time, what I’m capable of doing if I let myself, they wouldn’t like me at all.

And so I keep it all to myself. I like being liked. I like being secure. I like not being alone even though at times it’s grating to be amidst so many people and so much activity.

Do you have what it takes to be completely honest? I envy you if you do because I’m just not that brave to be.

Relevant Questions for Today

  1. Why do Mondays freaking suck?
  2. How did my Monday turn from “dude chill” to “OH NO FFFFFF—-“?
  3. Why does this have to happen?
  4. Why do I keep worrying about things I have no control over?
  5. “Why can’t [they] value you more?”
  6. When is this day ending?
  7. Why must earning a living be so hard?
  8. Why do I have to have a period?
  9. Why can’t I drink a toffee nut latte when I want to?
  10. Why can’t I eat another toffee nut banana McFlurry now?
  11. Why does peanut butter have to be so expensive?
  12. Why is The Avengers so awesome?
  13. Why can’t I RP like I used to?
  14. What is writing motivation?
  15. Why did I only write all this down now?
  16. Why do we have to sleep?
  17. Who said that was a good idea anyway?
  18. Why can’t we have more hours in a day?
  19. Who doesn’t want to go to work tomorrow again?
  20. Do you think I should actually try and answer these questions tomorrow?