My weight has always been kind of an issue for me. I try not to talk about it too much but it’s really something that I think about a lot. I guess it’s because I’ve almost gotten back to the weight that I was back in College and that was when I was at my biggest.
I guess in some ways it’s good that I have gained the weight back because at least I’m not sickly. When I lost a lot of weight before, my immune system got shot and I suffered from a whole slew of health problems. I was sick all the time and I had what I felt like some kind of unidentified, undiagnosed eating disorder. I just didn’t want to eat and then I got sicker and sicker until I got so weak and sick I had to be hospitalized. I got diagnosed first with lupus then MCTD and things, as they say, are history.
So now I’ve gained back the weight and I’m not quite happy about it. I see old pictures of me when I was unhealthy and yet so thin and I miss those days. People tell me I look better like this and I also do my best to agree and say so but at times I just can’t help thinking I’d look and feel so much better if I lost some weight. It’s probably true. I do need to stop eating so much crap and start exercising again. But well, food is just so good and exercising is just so gross.
I’ve probably blogged about this before and I’ve always said that I would actually get up and start being healthier but the motivation always escapes me after a while and I find myself going back and munching on that piece of chocolate.
Such is my life.