Honestly?

I’ve just been thinking a lot about honesty today, like, how honest are we really?

Our society seems to thrive on not being wholly ourselves.  At job interviews, we’re always advised to “put your best foot forward”, “keep it short (stupid)” and to just never give your possible new employer everything that you are in one sitting. This applies to a lot of other aspects of our lives when it comes to dealing with people. We’re not to say too much about ourselves lest we make others uncomfortable. We’re also not to ask about certain things lest we make others uncomfortable too. We should be careful about what we post online, what we say or do out in public. There are things such as delicacy and discretion and respect and it seems to keep things peaceful, a nice, stable status quo.

Now, I understand how all this makes sense. Surely we try our best to be nice so as everyone gets along. There should be order and all that. Why would you hire an employee who would be bad for the company? Why would you befriend someone unpleasant? Why try and destroy the delicate balance of peace we’ve all got going on? I get it. Really. I do.

But sometimes, you have to wonder. Are people happy with keeping the peace? Do people ever get tired of just not being honest so that they can live unhindered, stable lives? Don’t they get tired of saying one thing but thinking another? Of thinking about what others think of them all the time? Of just not being themselves?

I do and I wish it were that easy to stop living a lie.

I think, if I became really honest, I won’t have friends. No one will like me. Heck, I don’t even like myself a lot of the time, so why would other people? Stockholm Syndrome, maybe? I don’t know, but I just feel that if people actually knew what I think a lot of the time, what I’m capable of doing if I let myself, they wouldn’t like me at all.

And so I keep it all to myself. I like being liked. I like being secure. I like not being alone even though at times it’s grating to be amidst so many people and so much activity.

Do you have what it takes to be completely honest? I envy you if you do because I’m just not that brave to be.

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