I wish there was a way for me to make you feel better, to make you change your mind. Things could be different as I just told you and I wish you’d listen because things aren’t as hopeless or as bleak as they seem. I know you’re going through a lot and I know you think I’m only here for one thing only, but it doesn’t have to be that way. It’ll take time, it’ll take trust and the will to change. I don’t know if you have all three, plus patience and effort, but I wish you would. I think you’ll be happier if you just give it a try.
I know you’ve been hurt before to the point that you barely want to try again. I know you think things will never stay the same and friendships will always change. You told me before that it’s something that will always be and while I agree with you, I also don’t in some ways. Friendships change because we let them. Friendships last because we work on them–we keep in touch, we try to understand and we learn to trust. Maybe it all started on something random and superficial but it can be more. You just have to give it a chance.
I know I’m probably the last person you want to hear this from. Aren’t I one of those people who have hurt you? And haven’t you hurt me? Driven me crazy? Made me think if it was even worth it anymore? Why do I even bother? Sometimes I do doubt if you care about me at all, if I even matter to you as much as you matter to me. At times it feels like you’re so bad for me it physically hurts. But you’re there and I care and I wish things were better for you. For us who want to keep on being around as your friend.
I don’t think you’ll really change. I don’t think you’ll really listen or try to do anything about all that I’m saying, what I have said before. I just keep repeating myself and nothing seems to be coming out of it. I don’t want to give up on you but again, I have to wonder. Is it even worth it?
If we stop talking, interacting then things have changed though it makes me sad that it would have to. Maybe you’re right, that I’ve only gotten used to you being around and I’ll get used to not talking to you soon enough. But for now I don’t want to.
I wish being your friend were easier, really. But it’s very hard and very sad, especially on really bad days.
I really wish it’s not like this at all.